3 guys and a girl: $1 a minute

This post comes courtesy of James. I laughed so much I cried when he sent this to me for approval. No one else may find it that funny, it's a you had to be there scenario.

'Come down to my place' she said, 'the food and wine festival is on, you'll love it' she said, so we packed up the kids and made the trip, things did not go as planned.

First some background, my sister lives around 354km away (via google maps) from us in a town called Naracoorte. Every year, at least for the past 3, they have a food an wine festival to promote the local wines. This event was actually very good a few years ago, good enough that my illustrious wife ran out of steam at the dinner table - at least we saved a few dollars on the meal.

So with fond memories in mind we packed the kids in the car and set off.

Now it may not be the best thing to do, but a portable DVD player does wonders for our 3 year old. We can actually make this trip with a happy child in the back all the way to Millicent if needed. However as much as I'd like things to be different, the baby is just not that interested. If Mel's not doing some sort of yoga inspired body contortion to rig up a towel to block the sun, she's reaching around to comfort a child who is not content to look at the back seat for 3 and a half hours....actually I can't blame him.

We get there to find my sister is already at the event (along with my mother), so our impending arrival came a distant second to the allure of local wines and live entertainment. However my father was in attendance to ensure we could get things inside and stretch our legs, just showing that the men in the family have consideration beyond their years.

Finally we arrive, and are out of pocket $20. Three years ago this event was free, you simply paid for inflated food and beverage prices as you'd expect. So Mel and I were somewhat surprised to find a cover charge at an event which had, shall we say diminished somewhat? I'd estimate close to a third or more of the stalls that were there previously were missing, and I'm thinking it went like this: Year 1, great turnout! Well done everyone! Imagine what we'd make with a door charge? Year 2, ok didn't turn out as many with the door charge, but look at the cash we made! Year 3, hmm, seems a lot of people who had stalls last year aren't here, things look a bit sparse and patrons look a little unhappy....oops. Suffice to say although the music was great, and company was awesome, the event as a whole has gone downhill. Still we get to spend some great party time with my sister right?

Sucker.

After a 25min wait for some food, we may have been seated for another 20 minutes before finding my sister, who had previously blown .136 on the free breath testing, had bitten off more than she could chew. Or drank more than she could...ah....um......She was smashed. Sadly our 354km trip had resulted in a 45 minute experience containing a 25min wait for food and a $20 cover charge. Surely this is not right, surely karma would come and exact some sort of vengeance on our behalf? And so we were rewarded.

My sister did not want to leave because she was bored, or sleepy. No she was feeling very, VERY ill.

The car ride home was 5 minutes of mirth for Mel as my sister, pale with 7 gallons of wine in her stomach, was leaning out of the car window retching into the fresh air. Now I've seen Mel loose it before, and true, the misfortune of others increases her enjoyment giving me ethical concerns about her wellbeing, however it was contagious. Surprise however as my sister made it home without burning the paint off the side of my fathers car, huzzah! And then karma came to visit.

Projectile vomit is not normally a good discussion point, however this was just, well, funny. While seated on a plastic chair out on my sisters lawn, head in hands and trying desperately not to fall over, my sister sprayed a line 6 feet long from between her ankles straight forward. I'm pretty sure 5 gallons of that wine left her stomach right there and then, along with one partially chewed hot dog.

I'm sure Mel would have offered support at this point, had she not ran directly inside to report the state of my sister to my mother. I'm sure she was just getting extra help.

The hours that followed were speckled with occasional retching from my sister in the background, while the rest of us relaxed and offered sage advice to the one throwing up everything but her shoes.

Sure the night ended well, we spent some good quality time with my family, even my sister who after a two hour nap got up as good as gold. However the festival was definitely a bust for us. Would we have travelled knowing what was to come? Absolutely, we had a great time. However next time I think we'll just skip the festival and go with what works, meat on the bbq, beers in the fridge and family. Embarrassing conduct by my sister optional ;)

Here are some pics from the weekend:

Patrick and Aunty Liz (one of the few taken at the Food and Wine Festival)